As you know, we’ve started a campaign to contact various celebrities based on certain criteria (all criteria doesn’t have to match):

  1. They appear in the "where are they now?" file
  2. They don’t have any noticeable talent (required)
  3. They are giant self-absorbed douchbags

Recently Bagley contacted and received a response with a signed glamour shot from Kirby Heyborne. Many of you outside of the cultural death trap (Utah) probably aren’t familiar with Kirby Heyborne. He stars in some films that I wouldn’t even wish upon Saddam (who is definitely still alive).

These films are a phenomenon that have plagued Utah for about 10 years since the first God’s Army was released. A bunch of Utah business men with cameras realized that there was a niche to be filled for movies that exploit the unique mormon culture/lifestyle. They also realized that they wouldn’t need to be imaginative or clever because there are millions of people hungry to see themselves (by proxy of Kirby) on the silver screen. The business men mistook the word "niche" to mean "toilet" and filled it with feces.

Kirby doesn’t really fit the title of "celebrity," because he would never wallofawesomemake it in the real world, but since he is so incredibly into himself, and since he fits number 2 pretty well, he made it.

A funny story my roommate Bob told me about Kirby Heyborne: …they met for some reason, I think it has something to do with how Bob works a lot with film and sound. Anyway, they met at some sort of event and Kirby had some t-shirts with his face really big on it. He gave Bob one and he was like ‘hey you should put this on.’ Bob assured him he’d put it on later, but Kirby insisted he put it on then and there. So, now you see why he deserves to be on our wall.